My Journey Through Anxiety, Depression, and Self-Discovery

Growing up I faced many challenges with my mental health. For as long as I can remember I struggled with anxiety which affected many aspects of my life. On top of battling anxiety during my childhood, at age 15 I started to suffer from depression as well. I went many years feeling helpless, like I didn’t belong because no one around me was suffering the way I was. I hid how I was really feeling during all of those years until I couldn’t take it anymore and opened up to my mom about the terrifying suicidal thoughts I was having. I was riddled with anxiety and none of my medications seemed to be working. I was in therapy multiple days a week. I ended up leaving nursing school my third semester which was extremely difficult for me to do. It felt like nothing was worth feeling this anxious and sad all the time for. Doing any sort of task independently felt almost impossible for me to do because of my crippling anxiety and depression. I was lucky enough to have family around me that wanted me to get better, so eventually I decided to seek further help and attended an outpatient program to help get my anxiety, depression, and to get my medications under control. I was in that program for about a month and came out a little bit stronger than when I started, which felt good, but there was much more work to be done. For a while after, even though the treatments worked a little, I didn’t recognize myself in the mirror. I had no idea who I was or who I had become. What I did know, I didn’t want to go on like that. I was treating the people that I love horribly for months, and I lost my significant other, at the time, to the horrors of my mental health. However, through all this hardship, I can confidently say that today, 18 months after I sought out treatment and worked on myself fulltime, and at 21 years old, I am finally truly happy with how I feel mentally. Because of what I experienced, I am stronger, confident, kinder, and overall, a better woman. It was a long road to get here, and I lost friends along the way, but after many hours of therapy, countless trials with different medications, and unconditional support from family, I am in a place where I understand how important self-care truly is. It is probably the best thing I do for myself. I started journaling and reading, I limit social media use, and continue with weekly therapy, take yoga classes, and I listen to motivational videos. Facing challenges with mental health the way I did really open my eyes to who my true friends are. There was a lot of heartbreak, but I truly believe that everything happens for a reason, and I allow myself to remain positive and learn and grow from everything I go through in my life. I faced a major bump in the road, but I have since learned the importance of being positive and not looking at the past in a negative way, but to look back and understand what every event was trying to teach me so that I can learn and grow and create a better future for myself. I am back in nursing school, and I am grateful for the support I have to be able to start a new chapter in my life. It does get better; you just have to be patient.

Jayci Longin